More Questions, No Answers Yet

As you may already know, I am having very REAL fantasies of quitting my job. Something has taken over me and I just can't shake it. 

I really want to travel.

I don't care if it is camping, backpacking in a park or throughout the world! I feel like a caged animal from 8-5, Monday through Friday. The buzz of fluorescent light fixtures and computers is driving me insane. I long to be outside. I have never felt these urges as strong as I have lately. I hate feeling like I am trapped in the rat race. Slowly shedding possessions has helped but it almost seems like baby steps for the BIG EVENT! My brain obsesses all day about life in an Airstream, on the trail or in a foreign city. What would I bring? How would I survive? I am already in survival mode being at a job I don't like so it seems like second nature to think about survival in other situations. 

I recently went on backpacking trip to the Guadalupe mountains. I have never done anything like that yet I had dreamed about it for years to the point where I was giving up on that dream actually happening. It was a hard hike. I complained. I hurt. I was relieved when it was over. Now I wish I was there right this moment, maybe with a lighter pack this time! ;)

I need to get out. One of my strengths is planning. That is what I am going to keep doing... planning my escape from boredom into freedom. I trust that I will know exactly when the moment is right.

Sunday Night

I find that the saddest day of the entire week is a Sunday. There is still that high of having weekend freedom but the harsh reality that it will end come morning. Then the weekday grind will set in! There never seems to be enough time to get anything accomplished outside of work between Monday and Friday! I have to plan my weeks more strategically now to be able to include my workouts. The company I work for changed the rules recently for us to be able to workout on company time. I no longer have enough time to complete my strength training classes like I was doing twice a week. Some of you may be rolling your eyes at the fact that I am complaining about that, but I work at a non-profit and therefore receive the salary of someone working at a non-profit. If I was making a healthy salary, I might not be complaining. 

I did spend a fair amount of time contemplating what my next step will be as far as the work situation goes. These are the options that I have come up with:

1. Quit immediately. I will float on the vacation payout I would receive until I am able to find my next full time job. I could do one job or a couple of part time jobs.
2. Find a part time job and just hold that one while I finish up my last 9 hours of school in the summer.
3. Go from this full time job but only once I secure another full time job.

Option #3 is clearly the most "secure" thing to do but would also leave me miserable at my current position for even longer. 

Option #2 is manageable but I would definitely have to alter my current method of budgeting to make it work. Right now, I am saving roughly 1/2 of my income so I wouldn't be able to save as much. 

Option #1 is definitely enticing! I feel pretty confident that I would be able to be employed in a reasonable amount of time even though I have friends that have been unemployed for months. Maybe I am over-confident? 

In all seriousness, this may be a moot discussion. I just have this nagging feeling that I might get laid off soon. It is pretty sad when I conclude that it may be the best thing that ever happened to me! 

For now I can relish in the great weekend that I had and hold on to that until I fall asleep. Hopefully this coming week won't be as bad as the last and Friday will be here before I know it!

The Safety Net of Corporate Slavery

This post is probably going to come across as more of a rant than anything else! I have been so frustrated lately with my job. I don't want the career that I have. I have worked far too many years in a field that I never had any desire to be in... mental health. I stumbled into this field by taking a really great part-time job that had FULL benefits. Then it got to where just working part-time wasn't really paying down the debt so I got a full-time job doing the same thing because it was EASY. I had contacts, called them up and so I just took a full-time gig they offered. Now I feel stuck nearly two years later. Morale at my company is terrible because the person in charge is paranoid that we are all trying to cheat the company in some way. There would be a lot of turnover right now if the job market were better. I want to quit so badly but don't know what I would like to do instead. 

This situation directly relates to why I want to downsize my life. I feel that the less I have to take care of (possessions, friendships, work obligations), the freer I become. I didn't need that Coach purse that was equivalent to a car payment after all. I don't need the friendships with people that don't bring positive energy to my life. I don't want the work obligations where I feel like I am constantly on someone else's watch. Fear is stopping me though. I need a job where I can have healthcare benefits to see the doctor or get my teeth cleaned. I would have to make much more per hour if I was shelling out for my own policy. It's scary out there. What if some drunk person crashes into me while driving? Fear is motivating me to stay where I am at for now. 

I need to do some serious number crunching to find out what it would take for me to independent from the corporate slavery. I need to get out of this fear mode I seem to be stuck in. I need some air to breathe...

Maybe a few days off of work would be a good thing for now...

Slowly Getting Things Done

I am off to a really slow start but I have managed to get rid of quite a few things! In the past week I have sold the juicer, clothing and shoes. Last night I donated many of the clothing items that Plato's closet didn't buy and that an upscale consignment shop wouldn't take. It is shocking to think about how much all of that stuff cost when it was purchased off the rack. There were a few things that truly got worn enough to justify the purchase but there were many things that weren't! It is time to think about why I bought these things. I will also do a better job when it comes time to standing at the checkout line and deciding if I really need something or I just want something. 

The Current Economic State

I have been keeping my eye on the news and how many people have been laid off in the past few weeks. It is staggering. It also doesn't appear to be getting any better. 

This tough economy is bringing about much change. I read about people trying hard to pay down their debt and slough off possessions they no longer need. That is exactly what I am doing but I am not alone! We had a very prosperous economy for some time because people spent excessively and got themselves into debt. I now have many more questions than answers. How are we going to have a prosperous economy again if people keep saving more and spending less? Can America withstand this trend? Was keeping up with the Joneses what made us so economically viable in the first place? 

It will be interesting to see what happens in the near and more far off future. As a nation, we are really about to see what we are made of. 

Random Thought of The Day

I formally renounce my idea that being bullied back in middle school was a bad thing.

I was part of the cool girl clique for the first month or so when I was in 6th grade. Then I made the mistake of buying something similar to the queen bee of the clique. Next thing you know I am accused of copying her. I am then threatened by her and her worker bees that they are going to "kick my ass". I am subsequently banished and left to eat lunch in the library or with my homeroom teacher. It really sucked. 

My mother and I decided it would be best for me to transfer schools since it was causing me so much stress and was a huge distraction. I had been in a gifted & talented program and was attempting honors at that point but was failing. I hated those girls and I hated that I had to transfer. It wasn't an easy walk in the park at the new school either at first but eventually I found a niche. 

Fast forward to the point of the story: I am going out to dinner with a friend that I met at the new school I transferred to. We had been out of contact since we graduated from middle school (we went to different high schools) and I moved to another state towards the end of high school. I found her again on MySpace and was absolutely shocked to find out she was living in the same area that I am in now! Now I have someone nearby who was an old buddy of mine! If I had not been bullied and had to transfer, I would have never of met my friend. Funny how I could easily have remembered only the negative things about being bullied but I appreciate what I went through tonight since it made me who I am and gave me the friends that it did. 

So here is to you Miss Former Queen Bee K.T.: Thank you for being so awful to me because it brought around many great friendships that I still have! Oh and just try to say you would kick my ass now, I took martial arts as an adult! ;)

Closer to Freedom From Debt

This last Friday was payday for me. I paid off the last $580 on my credit card. No more credit card debt! I have put my credit cards away and now only carry my bank card in my wallet. I also readjusted my automatic savings plan to put that usual monthly amount of money that I was paying towards credit card debt to now go to my online savings account. It feels amazingly wonderful! I paid off my car towards the beginning of last year as well. The giant beasts that I have to tackle now are saving as much as possible and paying down my student loans. 

Last year was FULL of unexpected expenses. I was free of credit card debt for a short time before several emergencies came up. I traveled out of state on three different occasions due to a family member's terminal illness. When it comes to something like that, frugality mostly goes out the window. I also had to have a root canal and crown done. Not exactly something you skimp on. 

I am now saving roughly one third of my monthly income to a high yield savings account and my Roth. I haven't really thought about what my savings goals are other than replenishing the nest egg and retirement. 

I cannot believe how much my attitudes have changed about finances in the past few years. When I had a retail job at a clothing store, I would blow almost all my paycheck on the "great deals" that I got with my employee discount on the clearance stuff. I have nothing to show for it either because all the clothes are gone. I grew out of that style and went for a look that was more mature. 

There will probably be some people that won't like me for saying this: this economic downturn has taught me so much that I think it has been beneficial. I am really getting reinforcement that it isn't money or possessions that bring my happiness but it is the relationships with people and gaining inner wisdom that feeds my soul. I have weathered so much and become a stronger person now. It is merely the beginning.